


Stay With Me

by lucybeee



Category: Fruits Basket, Fruits Basket (Anime 2019), Fruits Basket - Takaya Natsuki (Manga)
Genre: Awkward Romance, Depression, Drama, F/M, Gen, Mutual Pining, Randomness, Self-Harm, Teen Romance, Trauma, Young Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:34:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25319155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucybeee/pseuds/lucybeee
Summary: “I’ll kill him, and then I’ll die, too! Then you’ll be satisfied, right?!”Kyo struggles with thoughts of his future, and it brings up a dark habit of his.
Relationships: Honda Tohru/Sohma Kyou
Comments: 3
Kudos: 59





	Stay With Me

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not even really sure what this is, but I hope you kind of like it nonetheless. 
> 
> Someone on Twitter pointed out that Kyo has been suicidal his whole life, and I couldn't stop thinking about it, so I wrote about it. 
> 
> ***TW: Self-harm***
> 
> Takes place about where the subbed anime is now. Has AU elements. Manga spoilers.

"I'll kill him, and then I'll die, too! Then you'll be satisfied, right?!"

Kyo remembered saying that. He remembered Master holding him back by his tiny arms, as if Kyo would have lunged forward if given the chance. He remembered the look on his birth father's face- not one of shock, like any sane person would expect, but one of pure disgust. Kyo would never get to have a son, but he couldn't imagine looking at your own child with anything less than love.

Master had never brought up that day again. Kyo was sure that he'd assumed it was forgotten, or at least a repressed memory that shouldn't be dug back up. It would just cause pain for Kyo. But Kyo hadn't forgotten. And he didn't think he ever would.

Graduation was drawing closer, and therefore the inevitable confinement that would come along with it. Kyo had purposely avoided making plans for his future, knowing that none of the goals would ever be accomplished, anyway. But that didn't stop the anguish that accompanied that memory from his childhood, as well as the anxiety he felt while thinking about the rest of his life. The despair that he would feel locked inside that cage, never to even see the sunlight again, let alone _her_.

Tohru.

He would miss her.

Kyo had never been a particularly cheery person, but the depression was bad tonight. _Really_ bad. He hadn't even made it downstairs for dinner; he'd just stayed in bed, despite Tohru timidly knocking at his door, letting him know that she'd finished cooking. He was still in the exact same position he had been then, though close to an hour had passed- his knees pulled up to his chest, chin tucked behind them, eyes closed. Essentially the fetal position. It was comforting, almost, though nothing could truly sate him.

Slowly, weakly, Kyo lifted his left arm, bringing the inside of his wrist closer to his eyes. It was dark in his room, but he could clearly see the scars that spotted his skin. They appeared almost as claw marks, just long, thin, sideways lines along his arm. He had just reopened them a few days ago, and now they were starting to scab over in places. It briefly crossed his mind that it would be a shame to reopen them and stop them from healing, but a dark voice shoved that thought back down.

_What does it matter if they heal?_

He stood and crossed the room to get to his dresser, where he opened his sock drawer and pulled out an old Swiss army knife that Master had given him when he was younger. It wasn't the ideal tool to use- the blade had dulled over the years, and he had to press harder than he would like in order to break his skin- but it was the best he had.

Knife in hand, Kyo slid down along the wall, landing on the floor with his knees up to his chest. He knew better than to do this in bed; if Tohru saw blood on his sheets while doing the laundry, she'd flip. After raising the knife, Kyo pricked his arm, then dug in, tearing open a scabbed scar. He hissed in pain, uncomfortable, but also distracted from his emotions, as he had intended. He moved down his arm, clawing himself with the knife in various spots. Then, the dark voice that had been pushed down momentarily decided to creep back up.

_Why don't you just end it?_

He could do it right now. He could slice vertically, instead of horizontally like he had been. His door was locked, and he'd told everyone to leave him alone. No one would find him in time to save him.

Kyo bit down on his bottom lip, squeezing his eyes shut. His hand turned, flipping the direction of the blade. Hand trembling, he lowered the knife back towards his skin.

And there was a knock at the door.

"Kyo-kun?"

Kyo froze instantly, panic setting in. Tohru. No. She couldn't see him like this.

"Y-yeah?" he called, looking around for something to cover his arm with while simultaneously rubbing tears from his eyes. But she was too fast for him.

The door opened, and Tohru let herself into the room. She blinked a few times as her eyes adjusted to the dark that Kyo could see right through with his cat-like vision. When her gaze settled on Kyo, she asked quietly, "Are you okay? What are you doing on the floor...?"

"I'm fine," he fibbed, hoping his voice was convincing enough. "Just sitting."

Apparently not able to tolerate the lack of light any longer, Tohru reached over and flipped the switch on the wall, illuminating the small lamp on Kyo's desk. When she looked back over at him, she gasped.

Fuck.

He really could have sworn he'd locked his door.

At a speed almost too quick to be human, she was crossing the room and lowering herself onto her knees in front of him.

"What happened?!" she cried, gingerly taking his left wrist in both of her small hands. Her fingers instantly became dirtied by his blood, a sight that caused him even more distress. Yet again, he had muddied her with his problems. He couldn't look anymore. He tilted his head to the side, gaze on the floor as his eyes moistened with fresh tears.

Suddenly, Kyo could feel Tohru's hands shake.

"Kyo-kun...did you...did you do this to yourself?" she asked, voice hoarse.

She must have seen the knife on the floor next to them. There was no way he could lie himself out of this situation.

"Yeah," he choked out, then bit down on his tongue for a moment, trying to ground himself so his voice would steady. "But it's no big deal. I'm fine. It'll be all healed up in a few days."

Tohru didn't say anything. She just glanced over her shoulder and out into the hallway, apparently checking to make sure no one else was out there. She stood, gently pulling on Kyo's arm. After a moment, he relented and stood with her, allowing himself to be dragged out of his room and into the bathroom down the hall.

He immediately sank back onto the floor. Tohru leaned over him and shut the door with her one clean hand. Kyo watched her curiously as she rinsed the blood off of herself in the sink, then rummaged around in the cupboard underneath. A minute later, she emerged with what she had been looking for- a first aid kit. Sitting in front of him, she looked at his wrist, clearly deep in thought.

Tohru opened the box of medical supplies and looked at its contents. She sighed to herself and pulled out a bottle of rubbing alcohol and some cotton balls.

"This...is going to hurt," she whispered, tone apologetic. "But it's the only thing we have to clean these off."

It would hurt?

Good.

Although, she didn't need to clean the gashes in the first place. He vocalized that last thought, and she shook her head rapidly.

"Of course we need to clean them!"

Kyo hung his head, refusing to make eye contact. Suddenly, her hand was gripping his clean one. She squeezed hard.

"Please. Let me take care of you, Kyo."

She took his silence as permission and wet a cotton ball, pressing it to his wrist.

A groan escaped Kyo's lips. It hurt more than he had expected. Tohru murmured apologies, but continued her work.

"Will you tell me what's wrong?" she asked quietly, setting the bloodied cotton balls on the tile next to them before pulling some gauze out of the first aid kit.

Kyo couldn't help but let out a bitter chuckle at that. _Everything_ was wrong.

She cocked her head to the side, confused by his response, but stayed quiet as she wound gauze around his arm.

"I can't. I can't tell you."

He had never seen her look so hurt. It made his heart ache even more.

But, as naive and spacey as Tohru Honda may have appeared, she also had an incredibly stubborn side to her. Kyo had witnessed it firsthand before, and it made its appearance again now.

"You have to," she claimed boldly, fixing him with an icy stare.

Kyo just shook his head as a few tears escaped his eyes and ran down his cheeks.

"Kyo-kun, please…" He could tell by her tone that she was fighting back tears of her own. "If you need to talk, I'll listen."

Throwing his own line back in his face wasn't playing fair, and he was sure she knew that. But it was enough to secure her victory.

Kyo pulled his arm from Tohru's grasp and held his head in his hands, a sob wracking his body.

"You didn't know this, b-but," he forced out, "I'm...going away after high school. Akito will…" A fresh wave of tears and sobs kept him from continuing, but Tohru filled the silence with a surprising answer.

"I know," she whispered. "Akito told me."

Kyo felt his stomach drop at that. He had been trying so hard to protect her from the truth about his situation. The ugly truth about being a member of the zodiac, the cat she was such a huge fan of. Now he knew he had failed at that, just like he had failed to find her when she got lost so long ago.

This was why. _This_ was why Kyoko would never forgive him. He couldn't help but hurt her daughter.

Tohru gently tapped her index finger against the gauze on his wrist. "Is this why you've only been wearing long sleeves lately?"

She knew Kyo hated long sleeves. They were so constricting. He only wore them in the winter, when it was absolutely necessary, but the weather was warm enough now, fall just starting. He should still be wearing t-shirts.

Reluctantly, Kyo nodded.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked.

He looked up at her, meeting her gaze. Her eyes were glazed over with tears, full of sorrow and sympathy, and even guilt.

"Because I knew you'd look at me like _that_ ," he whispered.

Tohru cleared her face of any emotion, trying to hide her sadness from him. "Like what?" she asked lamely, though she knew exactly what he was talking about.

Kyo sighed and wiped leftover tears from his cheeks. "Like you feel sorry for me."

Tohru mulled that over for a moment before responding. "Well, I _do_ feel sorry for you. Because I love you."

A shock jolted through Kyo's body at her words. He squeezed his eyes shut tight, wishing he could disappear.

No. Stop.

It hurt.

He wanted to reach out and touch her. Pull her into his chest. Tangle his hands in her hair, trail his lips across every inch of her skin. But he couldn't.

And it hurt.

Even if he were going to be allowed to live "outside" after high school, he would never be worthy of her companionship or her love.

And he was 100% sure she didn't love him in the same way he loved her. He was just her friend, likely even a bit of a brother-figure.

But the knowledge that he was not romantically attractive to her didn't stop him from wanting to lean forward and capture her lips in his own.

Then, before he could even process what exactly was happening, she closed the gap between them, cupping his face in her hands and pressing her lips against his forehead in a long, languid kiss. When she pulled her mouth back, she leaned her forehead against his, his cheeks still in her hands.

"Please promise me you won't do this anymore," she pleaded quietly, flitting her gaze upwards to look him in the eye. She was so close. He could feel her breath against his chin, and their noses were touching. If she were to blink, he would likely feel her eyelashes on his cheeks. Kyo battled himself internally, caught between wanting to accept her affection and knowing that he didn't deserve to.

"Okay," he choked out finally, a hollow promise.

But Tohru smiled softly, and the sight made him slightly more inclined to actually _keep_ that promise.

"Thank you. You can come talk to me instead. Okay?"

He nodded slightly, his forehead bumping against hers. Just like that day, when she had seen his true form, she wasn't taking away his pain. They both knew she couldn't do she still stayed, and it at least kept him from crying more. She closed her eyes, still keeping their heads pressed together. He was right-he could feel her long lashes against his skin. He couldn't take it anymore.

"Tohru, I-" he started, but she cut him off with a shake of her head.

"Can we...can we just stay like this for a minute?"

Kyo stayed quiet after that, letting Tohru hold him. His eyes fell shut. This was as close as he'd ever get to her. Their chests weren't touching, so he could avoid transforming into a cat, but she was still holding him. He could feel her skin against his. At that moment, he felt that he could die happy.

"Kyo-kun?" she asked after a minute.

"Hm?" he hummed in response, eyes still closed. He could feel his heart calming down, the rhythm becoming steadier and the ache lessening a bit.

When Tohru didn't finish her question, he opened his eyes to look at her. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes squeezed tighter than before. She was embarrassed. But why?

"C-can I kiss you?" she choked out, voice higher than normal and cheeks lighting up even further.

No.

He needed to say no.

He knew that.

So why was he nodding?

Tohru shifted her weight, leaning forward on her knees to press her lips against his. It was an awkward embrace, as any first kiss was, but shocks shot through his body nonetheless. It was chaste, full of love. He couldn't help but think about how perfect it was.

When she pulled back, she licked her lips, as if taking in his taste, before letting go of his cheeks and standing. She helped him to his feet and opened the bathroom door, avoiding his gaze as they walked back to his room together.

"You should get some sleep," she said, clearly feeling a bit awkward after her sudden wave of boldness.

Kyo nodded and lied down, wrapping himself tightly in the comforter.

"Goodnight, Kyo-kun," Tohru whispered, reaching to turn off the lamp.

"Wait, Tohru."

She looked over at him, concern written across her face again. "Yes?"

She looked like she expected him to bring up the kiss, but that wasn't his plan. They could talk about that later. Right now, all he wanted...

"Will you...could you stay with me?"

After a momentary silence in which she was clearly a little conflicted about _where_ exactly she should stay, Tohru made up her mind, nodded, and made her way over to his bed. She slid under the covers with him, cheeks red. As Kyo started to drift off to sleep, her hand stroked his hair gently in an attempt to soothe him.

"Yes. Forever."

**Author's Note:**

> Furuba social medias: @riceballcatfb on Tumblr, Twitter, and Instagram


End file.
